___________________________________________________________________
From: Student Account Enquiry
To: NUS Graduate Students; NUS Special Students; NUS Undergraduate Students
Cc:
Subject: FW: AY2008/2009 Semester 2 - Notice to View Student Bills Online - Second Gentle Reminder
Attachments:
Dear Students.
Further to the 2 earlier notices, please be reminded that the fees for Semester 2 of AY08/09 is due by 6 February 2009 for all students.
For students paying via GIRO, a GIRO deduction will be conducted on 6 February 2009.
If someone else is paying your Student Bill, please inform him/her of your fee payment due date in order to avoid any late payment charge.
Please check if you have any outstanding fees via https://aces01.nus.edu.sg/StudentPayment/Login.jsp.
If you have already paid all outstanding fees, please ignore this reminder email.
Students’ Section
Office of Financial Services
Note: This is an auto-generated email. Please do not reply to this email.
This email is confidential and may be privileged. If you are not the intended recipient, please delete it and notify us immediately; you should not copy or use it for any purpose, nor disclose its contents to any other person. Thank you.
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My Analysis
As a formal email that is addressed to the student body, the writer has effectively convey his/her message. The important datelines are highlighted in bold which emphasises its presence. The flow of contents is logical and most of the 7Cs in writing have been fulfilled. However, the email can be further improved.
It can be made more concised by including the dates of the previous 2 notices. And also to include the time of deduction as well. It is to provide transparency of the fees systems to the students. Also, the writer typed the sentences in a way that they are in a different format, for instance a sentence without any formatting and the next is in italics. This is not necessary because to fully separate sentences, the writer can simply number the sentences.
Lastly, I feel that the email can be better with appropriate closing at the end. For instance, a "thank you" or something like that will make the Office of Student Relations look better, so that the email would not be deemed as some sort of "going after the students for money" kind of impression. And the writer should include the contact information for students who have enquires. This will complete the email.
